THE JUNKIE

CHRISTMAS

2011-12-25T02:16:00.000-08:00

I know you have secrets that you don't want to share, there are things that you don't want to tell me. It's alright. Really. I'll try to eat my pride and I'll try to understand the situation. But I hope time will come that you'll open you're door and let me IN. I'm here. I won't judge you. I'm willing to listen. Please don't change.

Merry Christmas :)

By the way, I lost my job...just yesterday.

DRAG

2011-12-19T04:12:00.000-08:00

Here we go again with the drag-out feeling. It never fails to visit me every month.
This is something I can never get rid off. What the hell!

I need an out of town and I'm picking a place to go to.

I'll visit this place someday, before new year :)

WHEN THE JOB HAUNTS YOU

2011-12-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

I always say that I hate working in a call center but I always end up working in a call center. Ironic. I'm still here in Manila with a Job Finder Ad. Looking for a job that would motivate me to get a life. Damn, I'm lost.

2011-10-05T03:39:00.000-07:00

two of my housemates are pissing me off.
thanks dude you made my day! (f*ck)

BRAGGING

2011-08-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

this made me happy :)

piru gibawi rapud dayun kay nakuy nakit-an na uhm confusing o.O

do you really have to hit like in all of HER pictures? (haha)

Sometimes I wonder if things are getting better or things are getting bitter.

I don't know haaay (sigh) unless you wanna spill the beans

and let's stop pretending that we're OKAY.

what a day! indeed >'.<

ILY

2011-08-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

Just let this image explain how happy I am today (haha)

Now my day is complete. Thank you Pig ♥ :)

KOPI

2011-08-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

the new addiction :) ♥

P.S.

this is my first HDR edited photo (haha) i was trying so hard but

still i didn't get the trick :P

happy sunday!

3 YEARS AND COUNTING

2011-08-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

It has been 3 long years isn't it? When I look back it seems like it was three weeks ago (haha) We both celebrated 3 Christmas, 3 Birthdays, 3 New years and I know we don't literally celebrate those because there was that one year when I was this not-so-good-in-to-you but please 3 years? Woaah! It's just record breaking! (lol.over)

I've never been into a relationship this long because I can't be with the same guy for too long. I have this insecuretale-what-not in my head that keeps telling me to do the 2 years blues and spill the break up lines. Alright, hold on, I did that. We broke up last year and we get back this year.

Anyway, this is quite confusing for you to read and for me to write (haha) I can't organize my thoughts. There's a whirlwind of ideas that I couldn't put myself to write. Sorry about that, I'm having this disorder again.

But here's what I want to say to John David Baguio that I wasn't able to say upfront:

BUK,

****

for planning my 20th birthday, that was really fun celebrating it with your friends.

****

for giving me that cute earrings that i lost when i was really drunk (haha) and i don't even have a picture of it, how pathetic was that

for the unlimited kisses during drag - out days :x

for going out with me every single night i needed company :)

and for staying till the sun shines

for making me happy everytime :D

3 years did made us old isn't it? (haha)

well thanks for this day i never thought i will be this grateful :)

(08.10.2008)

I LOVE YOU BUK ♥ :)

SHUT UP

2011-08-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes they just have to shut up

and let me think of a solution for their never ending debts.

Damn family hierarchy.

SWITCH ON

2011-08-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

We just have to wait for a year to patch things up and get back together. It's been a hell of a roller coaster ride but I'm glad we made it ♥ :)

SUNDAY IS FATHER'S D.

2011-06-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's day to my old man, Papa :)

And to all the Daddies and soon to be Daddy

especially my friend, Isda :)

THE WALKING CHIMNEY

2011-06-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

I miss smoking with you miguu :)

see you around

2011-06-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

My Life According To The Cure

Using only the songs from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. You can't use the artist I chose. Try not to repeat songs or song lines. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According To (artist name)" Repost this in your own blog if you want.

Describe yourself:

"I'm ahead of my time ...You'll never rule me ...'Coz I'm all mine ...Bounce off of me ...'Coz I'm so strong ...My time is coming and it won't be long "

- I'm a cult hero

How do you feel:

"Two chord cool in the head"

-The 13th

Describe where you currently live:

"down on fascination street"

- Fascination street

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:

"Where we belong... "

-Out of this world

Your favorite form of transportation:

"Spinning round and round"

- Friday I'm in love

Your fear:

" I opened up my eyes... and found myself alone alone..."

-Just like heaven

What is the best advice you have to give:

"Know there's a reason... for all of this you're feeling"

-The end of the world

Thought for the Day:

" I've got to let it go and leave it gone"

-Maybe someday

My greatest weakness:

"aching looks and breaking hearts"

- A letter to Elise

Describe a romantic night:

"Floating here...Like this with you...Underneath the stars"

-Underneath the stars

How I would like to die:

"Standing on the beach...With a gun in my hand" (HAHA! atik lang)

-Killing an arab

If you miss someone, what would you do:

"Whisper your name in an empty room"

- Other voices

My soul's present condition:

"lost in admiration"

-Strange Attraction

Message for my enemies:

"There's nothing left but hope"

-Faith

HOLYWEEKEND

2011-04-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a while. I know I haven't been writing lately and I'm more like a movie maniac than a reading nook. I have unread books stocked in my shelf because I was busy at work or maybe I was busy sleeping and slouching the entire day of my rest day (haha) I'm such a lazy-ass. I'm working 6 straight days this whole month of goddamn April and it's no fun.

This isn't working I'll write more sense next time :)

LOOK AROUND

2011-04-08T02:58:00.000-07:00

PHOTO FROM : DEVIANTART

Maybe one day you'll find what you've been looking for a long time :)

THE MIDNIGHT ROB-OUT

2011-03-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

PHOTO FROM : DEVIANTART

I was robbed and I was stabbed in the left hand. I was careless walking alone in that dark high-way. That guy who stabbed me just made my day. I missed work and I lost 900 bucks today, it's no work no pay hey! I need to stop typing now my left arm is not helping.

For the record I didn't lost any, it's just my favorite radio bag, my new Haruki Murakami book, my RF badge and ID and that fucking voucher that I almost got crazy thinking I couldn't find it and of course lastly, my sanity. I think I'm losing it.

POST-VALENTINE

2011-02-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HEARTS DAY! :)

Spent the V-day with friends.
Drinking at The Spot for 3-straight days.
This ain't doing any good.
Internet at home is still not up.
Booo!
I got a new job. I'll start working on 21 Feb.
Bless me Lord, I need to be good at this :)

HURR

2011-01-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

back to brown and bangs! :)

I'M HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!

^___________________^

A MESSAGE FROM BART

2011-01-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

After I sent the soap-opera like letter to my friends from work, Bart sent me a reply. I want to read this over and over again and finally a tear fall down (haha) . I feel special and love :)

*****

"Looks familiar..who's that girl with a super blonde hair?"

If my memory serves me right..those were the lines that popped into my head when I first saw u bayang. It may sound judgmental but I was really thinking at first that there's no way that I have to befriend this girl..This bitch is so weird.You stared at me like an owl with a very disturbing black nail polish. God! such a sore to my eyes...But then again, cliche' as it is "first impressions never last". You have proved me wrong GIrl! For almost three years of shared friendship, you were so good to me bayang, i'v no regrets at all of choosing you as one of my friends.I'd rather have few friends than having lots of friends when I knew for a fact that some of them are unreal, but with you, I can tell with no hesitations, that you really are one those friends whom i can be comfortable with, where i can be with myself..be classy..be sophisticated..get glammed up and be a climber when the situation calls for it..be buang..be a libakera and not to mention be a certified tanggera!LOL As your journey closes here in cvg, I have high hopes that as you continue to weave the beautiful tapestry of your life..do not forget all the memories that we've shared.(ur circle will always be here for u..me,doreen,carlosa,joe and everyone else.

BECAUSE SAYING GOOD-BYE IS A BITCH!

2011-01-20T17:25:00.001-08:00

Do you still remember our first aquaintance? Those days when we were still young, fresh and driven? Yes? No? Maybe? Me either. It might be a blur for some of us and that would include me because God has never given me a good memory (haha) . Or for some it might be as fresh as yesterday. Those memories that we wanted to keep may it be good or bad just because we've learned a lot from it. During those years, I should say, I was really grateful and happy because you guys became part of my journey here in CVG and as much as I don't want to put any drama about saying goodbye to the people that I always work with everyday, I just can't. I guess saying goodbye (well, not really G-O-O-D-B-Y-E literally) has a lot of drama itself. I might see you around one day but I know things will never be the same just like how it is today. I won't be able to see you everyday or chat with you in QC It's going to be different you know Is it okay to make a roll call? (niahahaaha) fine To :

Dhavey,

"I know you whine about the twist&turns of your life lately but I still believe one day you will be able to decipher everything Miguel I'm always a fan of your positivity and I guess you know it all along. I will surely miss the fiedel & ngohiong days, the 12L rides and the thirsty drinks with you (waa this is tear-jerking) . I will miss the crazy-days (haha) and the jeepney trips"

Bart,

"I always look up to you like someone so organize, neat and simple (wink). You always gave advices that my brain could really absorb (haha.spongebob?). I love that one lunch break we had where in I told you all my plans about emancipating (which will never going to happen Geng.Grrrr!) and how you listen religiously and gave me advices about making decisions, choosing people to be with, saving money and all. I was really touched with your sincerity (jimma! haha). Sorry about the trippings Geng I will miss teasing you, for sure!"

Uncle,

"Diiiiiing! I will miss you The most independent person I've ever met (tsaar!). You're like my big brother, telling me to be good at work and to straighten my life (which I'm really having a hard time with). Thank you Ding for the laugh trip when we're too sleepy, for the "kandidit" word that I will never ever forget and will never ever get tired of laughing about(haha) and lastly for telling me na "di dapat mu gara kung sugsugun,maganahan man pud ka" (hahaha). Still remember that? Well, I did "

Joe,

"First, thank you for sending me the blank mail(hahah). Second, I will miss your sweet girlie voice, your text messages nga nikatkat kas lubi (send gihapun naku ana ha?), for being such a good companion and ang "lainaaah,lainaaaah,lainaaah" (hahahah). Lastly, for letting me realized this ; "because he has been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out ; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time . Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt." thank you ding :)

Doreen,

"The loudest person in the world (haha) I will miss it babe! I will miss your mother-like advices, our coffee dates (wanakui kwarta sure ku dinaku ka afford s.bucks.lol), our window shopping days and the heart-to-heat talks haaaayyy(sighs) stop dreaming of being a spinster it's a lonely road babe take the other path and wait for Mr. Right you might have just overlooked him when he passed by (lol) seriously, there's going to be someone out there for you ok? And be careful with BOYS they cause a lot of pain and grief and those two words are really deep so don't dwell to much with emotions (just like what I always do.haha). You're wiser than I do so I guess you know what I mean Love you babe

Tito,

"Thank you dude, though nonsense ra atung isturyahan pirmi and aku gyud first mag linagpas I could still remember nga ni ana ka maghimu kug lagpas na short story, uhm maybe one day kanang tarung na gamay akung utuk ug mu andar nang makinarya (haha) I'll miss the smoke breaks and the wisdom that you've shared to me thank you miguuu "

Arvin,

"Thank you for being my big brother dude! Thank you for sharing those funny plans in the future. I already miss you I haven't seen you in ages. Please have your hair cut and goddamit have a girlfriend (haha) I will miss you bugu!utuk sa bi (niahahahaha) Thank you kaayu sa mga advices katung magdungan pata ug lunch break, sa mga cigarette sticks, sa mga lighters na nawgting naku (haha) Thank you

Abi & Shie,

"The burs! Mga alcatraz mung dagku gahi pamu sa batu! (hahah) I will miss you :) I always look up to you as the strongest women I've ever met. Bless you and may you feel love by the people around you always :)

Whew! So there, I made it. (weee) Thank you dude, ding, geng, babe I'll see you around guys

Tapus na ang jimah dad-a na ang gasa sa inyuha (niahaahahahahahaha)

MISSED

2011-01-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

There's this one point in your life where in you do a lot of crazy things. You miss everything just because you thought it's okay but you realized that, no, it's not okay. And the worst thing is you will never be okay. You knew it all along that you'll never going to be okay for a while. You go out to the world like a mad zchisophreniac.

Probably, I missed a lot this weekend. I miss these crazy friends too :(

2011-01-15T01:55:00.000-08:00

How do you define crazy?

Well I'm so crashed right now but I could not write anything sensible.

I've been dealing with a lot of nonsense lately, maybe that explains everything.

TO MY DEAR SISTER

2011-01-12T16:15:00.000-08:00

It's a wrecked day for all of us in the family. I know you've been bitching around me because I always went home drunk and always not in my proper state of mind. I remember you we're whinning about how much you wanted to emancipate because you're tired dealing with our immature parents. I truly understand how you feel, believe me, I do. Our parents has been so irresponsible lately. I also know that you've been dealing too much about family matters since I'm always at work and I've been a pain in the ass. I'm not doing anything to make things better. I've been in and out of the house. I always laugh about our financial crisis and it really hits me when you yell at me all the time asking me "when will you grow up!"

I'm sorry Tol. I know this sounds like a fucking cliche now since I didn't do anything about it. I was playing crazy. I didn't know where to start. I'm sorry if you have a fuck-up older sister. I'm sorry if I wasn't good enough to face all our motherfucking problems. It's just not my cup of tea, dealing with problems, looking for solutions, and I guess you know that. You've known me more than anyone in the world.

Last night was bullshit. You know what I mean (sighs). The house will be sold this year and if we couldn't pay it for 5 fucking years we'll be sleeping in the street. That thing made you so angry. You said it's "bullshit", well, that made sense. I felt nothing, honestly Tol. My mind couldn't absorb the fact.It's a sad reality. My mind couldn't absorb sad facts anymore.

You know I'm you're older sister and always will be, so these, you have to keep in mind 1) people change, nothing is constant Tol, wether it's for better or for worse 2) life is harsh in the real world, you might not be able to decipher that now but you will in time 3) don't quit school like I did, it's not a good decision, you might regret it like I did 4) don't take things seriously, life's too short, live, laugh and love 5) try being satisfied with what we have let our parents figure it out, it's not our burden, it's theirs, so don't dwell into dilemmas, it will wreck you.

I couldn't say all these things to you upfront. I'm such a coward, you know. I'm just too numb with all this financial what-not and I decided to stop dealing with it anymore. Our parents should take care of it. They're old enough so all you have to do right now is to do the drill, I guess you know it already.

SIT.BREATHE.INHALE.EXHALE AND STAY SANE :) ILY SIS :)

SEE YOU AROUND

2011-01-05T23:38:00.000-08:00

Last night was Andrei's last shift. It saddens me a bit. He was one of my closest guy-friend at work. Another friend left my closet. Sad. I'm going to miss that guy.

BRAIN MALFUNCTION

2011-01-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

The moon shines like a bald skin-head crowded with smoky clouds. The wind caress my hair endlessly making it swing like a wild pendulom. As I was staring at the dark sky, puffing smoke for the 'nth time and a cup full of coffee in the other hand, a story of true tale started to mingle in my head. I was organizing and disorganizing it. I could not bring myself to write it, you know. It's so hard to write something you're not sure about.

Just like right now, I'm not sure what I'm really writing. It's like I'm writing just for the sake of writing. I'm so bothered about something that my mind could not decipher. I'm pressing the keyboard typing words in a zilch. I'm turning into a word-psychopath. I could not still my mind. It keeps on wandering about things that I coul not even distinguished. It's working like a popcorn machine. It's blowing my sanity away once it popped something unwordly.

My mind's not in it's proper state right now, that I'm really positive about. It's free flowing like a river running in a silent ghost town.

2010.END.2011.START

2011-01-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

2010. What a year it was. There were a lot of tragedy happened. If I'm going to track every single detail of it then this whole blog wont suffice. Ohh that year!

I could still remember on this very day last year, my Ma got robbed and dragged by anonymous people in North Reclamation area. They took her bag, her cellphone, her business and almost her life. She was suffering in trauma for a week. She wasn't talking, eating and feeling life. And it was also last year when my Pa nearly took suicide. He locked-up himself at the bath room and endlessly banging his head into the wall, crying because of depression. What a year it was. It was a sad year for our family and maybe for other families who experienced life destroying calamities.

I know this blog has serve as my silent sanctuary whenever I want to close my self to the world. I always scribble anything I want to. I don't want to hurt anybody's ego (if in any instance somebody was slapped through my post). I was just writing my feelings down. If I hurt you, SORRY. If you think this is vulgar then I just want to let you know that this happens to me my blog so stop sending me messages telling me what to write and if ever you don't want to be updated about how my mind works then stop wasting your time accessing this bullshit.Pardon me with my sarcasm but that's just how it's suppose to be. I don't want to make a fuss out of it but it's just so annoying already. The flood messages, the numerous unwanted calls, the not so happy comments, thank you sir, mam, for making my days so fucked up. I had enough bullshits last 2010 so please make it up to me this year. I just want to live my life peacefully. (sigh)

2011. I hope it's going to be a good year for me. I know I have not bygones with some people close to me but I'll be fine with it. I can live solely. I'm certain about it though. Maybe I have to keep my mind focus on certain things that I was not able to focus in years like going back to school, buying important things and I know I can't make it when I'm with someone I'm so over ga-ga with. The least thing that I need right now is a boyfriend.(haha.back off boys.lol) I just can be in a relationship. I need to be single maybe at least for a year. Being in a relationship is hard or so I thought. It makes my life complicated. I don't want that to happened. I'm so full of love-bullshits last year so maybe this year will be me, myself and I (oops!didn't I just posted something like this last year?de javu hmmm..)

Lastly, I want peace and harmony this year. Let's be merry about life and not waste it with grudges, pain and what-not. It's so unlikely to live with those crap. So if I happen to hurt you, I'M SORRY, and I mean it.

Peace everyone :)

TURN TO PAGE ONE AND REFLECT

2010-12-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

I've read some of my older blogs here and I was kind of laughing at it. There were a lot of typos and all (haha) I even have this half a month entry where I wrote everything in vernacular (haha) Some of the 2008 entries were random blah blah about my everyday whatever. I was really walking my mind to the memory lane. It was nostalgic. There was this one liner post that I couldn't even remember what I was thinking back then when I wrote it.

I love reading the breaking up and the moving on posts it made me realized one thing; I'm really bad when it comes to falling in love. I really laughed at some of the blogs. It was mushy, corny and all. Yes, I am certainly that person until now. I never changed an inch in that part. I'm still Rosa, the lost, troubled tear-jerky girl who always falls in and falls out of love easily.

Well, I always say this, a lot has change and no matter how badly I wanted to buy a time machine to see myself in the past I'd still want to do the things that I've done before. Maybe I wont change anything. I would never be this person right now if I didn't experience all those fucked-up things that happened to me.

I also read my newer post. Some were seriously written but still has a lot of typos and grammatical errors (which I don't really care that much). I mostly write on my crashed out days and when I'm happy I couldn't write a single thing. I'm like that, that's why most of my blogs were die-and-go-to-hell, bitter, ranting and just-just. Whatever blah blah I'm writing it's honest to goodness that's why I just laugh at it when I get to read it. It's weird. Good weird.

So now, let's not blurb about those old posts tha I have. Maybe I should write something about how I've been dealing my world lately. Uhm it's not well. My christmas was fine, I was drunk and passed out around 4 o'clock in the morning. On the 25th, we went to the movies with my couzos and watched the local horror film Dalaw. I get to massive texting with my friends again. Boring stuff you know but I'm smiling at these things. It's simple and it makes me feel normal.

By the way 12 days to go before the 22nd (: I can't wait. (haha)

Peace (:

WAKING UP FROM A MONTH DREAM

2010-12-23T05:20:00.000-08:00

Blah.Don't mind the title. (haha) I just finished reading Scar Tissue a biography book of A.Kiedis from Chili Peppers. Well, that was a good book an eye-opener to all the junkies in the world. I was entertained, disturbed, thrilled and laughed at it as I was reading the book. Nice package, I should say.

Anyway, I'm preoccupied lately. There are a lot of things troubling my mind. There's this mobile phone that I keep on checking whenever it beeps thinking it must be HIM. Yeah right, I'm wrong. Nah. Just another group message from someone. Damn. There's this EX who sends you threat messages of killing or beating someone close to you. Well, that's scary. Lastly, my left cheek just bubbled like a mountain. That freaks my Ma. (haha)

A lot happened lately, I'm nowhere in the grounds of earth right now. I maybe physically here but my mind is wandering somewhere else. It's looking for a peaceful nest where things are quiet and simple. Down there to the unknown wilderness.

I hope I can wake up from these dream of fugue. Things are just so unreal.

PISSED

2010-11-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

It's my first day here and I'm totally pissed off with my Team Lead. How can he just asked me if I can work this weekend? I'm not in Cebu! I can't be there on weekend because I just arrived here in Ormoc and I'm not going to reschedule my ticket. DAMN! Can he give me enough reasons to go home and work for two days and stare in the air on the next five days.

Hey, I know I was suspended but he can't just send me an SMS saying I should be working on those dates because my suspension CHANGED. Well enough? No. I won't even buy that reason even if it only cost 1 centavo. That's just too lame.

I checked the email that my Team Lead has sent me and I found out that they were plotting it on the 16th. How come he just told me now? It's already 23rd of November. Is he NUTS or just plain DUMB? Well go figure!

COMRO

2010-11-22T00:03:00.000-08:00

I'll be in Ormoc tomorrow night. I hope I'll have fun :)

I don't have anything to write so I'll leave you with this photo.

This will describe how I feel right now:

THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY

2010-11-19T05:24:00.000-08:00

I watched H.potter at Ayala today for free! Well, our company was splurging free pass (and free food). The movie was great! As far as I could remember the last time I watched the first sequel of the movie was way back highschool (and not to blurb I also read the first book). Those were the days when I was still adding D.Radcliffe as my crush in my autobiography (haha). Time changed me you know. I lost my appetite for nerdy-guys-where-an-eye-glasses-is-a-must. I just watched the first sequel and read the first book then forget about the next sequel of it. But now that I have watched the first part of the finale I was intrigued about the things that I missed. I'm itching to buy the books and watched the previous sequels.

After the movie we went to Perpetual Hospital and pay Leofi a visit. She just finished her operation. They took her left (or maybe right?I'm not definite) ovary because the cyst was getting bigger. They actually took a picture of it and I was amazed, man that was big!

She's okay now. I think. She's just weak and needs to rest more and talk less (she's quite talkative.lol). So yeah I hope she'll get well SOON :)

P.S.
I'm at the cafe right now still no internet at home. Poverty!

MIDWAY

2010-11-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

September already ended. A lot had happened actually but I was just too lazy to blog. October was good. It was fine. Booze was like knocking every weekend. I almost aged two times than the real figures. TSK. Nothing's new to write.

I finished 5 books in two months (greatest achievement for me!). I can call myself an official bookworm now.HAHA. Well I'm off 15 days and our internet connection has been off FOR-E-VER! I think our modem was busted or Mother just forgot to pay the bills. I think the latter was the correct answer.

Well, I'm writing this in a crowded, noisy, not so heavenly internet cafe.

I'm afraid I can't write any longer.this place is unlikely.HAHA. I'm just not used to it. I think.

Here are the books that made me busy for two months :

SEPTEMBER

2010-09-26T04:30:00.000-07:00

It's been months and the internet connection is still not up. Sad.

A lot has changed in this coward world. Yeah right.

I was admitted to the hospital last two weeks ago. I was diagnosed to have what? Left ovarian cyst and UTI. Well, fuck that! I'd rather have heartache than these bullshit (HAHA). Well , I promised to myself not to write nasty about these but the pain is killing me everyday. The right flunk pain that would occur every after meal and the burning sensation after peeing. DAMN!

Anyway, I almost got terminated from my job because of my tardiness and absences. I don't really want to write about that (sigh). So yeah, my days were rough most of the time. I can't wait for September to end. Like end.END.

ALONE AND BORED

2010-08-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

I MISS THEM AND RICKER TOO :(

I'm not quite sure what to write. I'm just bored and there's no new Fliptop battles to watch in Youtube. Uhm, by the way I created a new blog here's the link:

http://topsyturvywords.blogspot.com/

I don't know if the grammar is right or there are fragment errors (LOL) I don't mind anyway.

Ugh! I 'm bored, I'm alone, I miss my friends and I miss someone special :(

But it's okay :)

I'll be fine in time. Anyway it's his decision. I don't care.

From then on I won't care. HAHA :))

The worst thing happen today? My phone plan got suspended. TSK

This day suck big time! Time to change my mantra :)

WEAK

2010-07-26T02:50:00.000-07:00

For God's sake this rain is killing me. When will it stop dropping? I hate rain.Sometimes.Maybe.Most of the time. It doesn't feel right you know. Just like now, it's raining and when I open my PC it seems like hearts are flowing all over the web. Is this a tease? or what? Gaaaahd! Why do they start posting "in a relationship" status when I just ended mine? I don't blame them though. It's just...I don't know (sigh).

It's been a month and this single-hood thing brought mixed emotions in my everyday setting. Just like having a bi-polar disorder. Mood changed from time to time. I'm happy now but rest assured that my mood later would be in total catastrophe. I knew it's weird. I'm crazy. But I have to deal with these things ALONE. That's what I asked for anyway.

So now, I just have to let this rainy season pass. Ready my blanket and my pillows for a tear-jerky moment every single late afternoon. This is it. First stage of moving on :)

THE NEXT MOVE : WHERE WILL YOU START?

2010-06-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

All my thoughts are somewhat recycled,my brain has not been doing it's job lately. I'm stuck with all these sickening disorder. I left my books scattered in the floor not even minding if it's already dusty. I left my journals hanging everytime I wrote something senseless. This has been running in my system for a while and it's making me feel weak and worthless.

God can you bring back my senses? I'm tired of this shits. Drinking every after shifts. Getting home drunk. Staring at the PC for a long time. Listening to corny music like Kenny Rankin. Staying at the bed room for the whole day. Smoking when nobody's home. Getting worst. That's it. It has been a month and the sense of moving on has never hit my system yet. God I'm getting weak and this dirty old tricks are getting old. I want to move on.

But where will I start?

APRIL: KILL

2010-04-12T02:20:00.000-07:00

KILL THIS EMOTION
HALT PUT IN MOTION.

STOP THE WONDER.
LET THE HEART PONDER.

STOP: YOUR MOTION TO HALT

2010-03-21T23:32:00.000-07:00

So when I started to open this thoughts about you, that's when I started to realize that I have to stop it. Knowing you for awhile was a mystic feeling. It has put me in a perfect fugue. Leaving me unconscious yet happy. How come people like you come a long so instantly?

I don't want to like you, It's not normal. I hate to disagree about this incoherent thought. I shouldn't have let it pro-long. I should have put it into a halt. Things like these were just one of the things I don't want to happen lately. Damn this thing, it's killing me.

I'll just have to pretend again. Just laugh about it. Write until it doesn't hurt that much. Drink until I forget what does being sober mean. Smoke until it suffocates me. Live like how it used to be.

Sigh...

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SUPER YOU

2010-03-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

You're not what they call the super YOU.

But you never fail to make me feel the super ME.

How come nice guys come in the wrong time?

Where were they when you're all alone in this big world?

This infatuation would never end... (sigh)

p.s.

SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING LATELY.

I WAS BUSY AT WORK AND I WAS BUSY PONDERING ABOUT NONSENSE FACTS.

BECAUSE WE HAVE TOO

2010-02-15T01:35:00.000-08:00

Do we really have to be sexy?
When all we can do is sit down and eat chocolates.

Do we really have to be good?
When all we can do is smoke, drink and get wasted.

Do we really have to be great?
When all we can do is turn on that damn TV and watch the whole world collapse.

Do we really have to feel mercy?
When all we can do is stare at those dying fetus being thrown in the trash bin.

Do we really have to save?
When all we can do is spend and spend and an spend all those Benjamin's from nonsense plastics.

Do we really have to write?
When all we can do is read and re-read what we don't want to hear.

Do we really have to read?
When all we can do is let things flash in a bit of millisecond and let it go.

Do we really have to do all these things?
When all we can do is sleep and dream those fairytale-like movies.

STAY OR STRAY?

2010-01-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

...Friends that come your way
Betray you and so you stray
But some of them just want to stay
So they stay and make you feel so gay...

I wonder how many friends I have who come and go. Some of them prefer to stray and move on with their own way and some simply want to stay and keep in touch.

It feels weird looking at our pictures together and asking
myself "are we really that close before?" Then suddenly I have an instant answer "YES!" and it sadden my entire mood because I realized that things have change so much.

There are times that I just want to ignore that sad feeling but then it's already there and I just can't ignore it because I really know that I've regret the very most thing that I wasn't able to do and it's to keep in touch with them because in the first place I never did. I never kept in touch.

It's going to be a sad year. So sad that I have no one to share it with. No friends to share the sad sprinkles of life or the happy sparkles of laughter. So I guess it's a me, myself and I year. A whole year to be a lone and to move on.

THAT RANDOM THING IN MY HEAD

2009-12-27T08:52:00.000-08:00

Probably there's a lot of things I want to post. It's been stuck here in my head for a while now. I know it's kind of weird and I think I'm acting like little bit of schizophreniac. I don't know. I don't want to think of it that way.

So I had this clairvoyant something today and all the card readings were quite fine. I have laugh at myself a little just for the fact that it all came out true. I was like " yeah it is so true!" man that guy Carlo was just so cool. He's really good. His readings gave me an idea for the future. So I'm quite not good in business. All the biz plans should be crashed out. 2010 is just the best year for me to travel and work. Cool isn't it? Now I'm waiting for to 2010 to hit the calendar.

I'm quite bored to work. Now I took the day off. It's like I'm getting lazy huh. I know this is just one of the after holiday blues. It would go away soon. I need to be good at work or else, I don't know. I still have loans and stuff. Money stuff. Big money stuff to fix.

So these are just one of those things that's lurking in my head right now. I'm getting lazy. I don't want to work.Urggghhh!

PONDER

2009-12-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

Unanswered questions.
Troubled mind.
Butterflies in the stomach.
Foul words.

There are a lot of things that's needed to ponder.
I sit still and fall a deep sleep. I want to dream good tonight.

SPEAK

2009-12-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

This feeling has been lurking inside me for awhile, I know that digging this wound would only hurt me and make me feel devastated but still I wanted to write something abou this.

A year and a half is too long already. Maybe right now I should have moved on but not even a single sense of moving on has hit my entire system. I guess this is the greatest failure of my life, I should say. Failure because until now I wasn't able to conquer that weakness. I'm too weak to let it go. I think I haven't savor every single feeling for that hatred. It's confusing, I know but it's how it works until now. Procrastinating it is so tiring and rude. The rudeness has embroidered so much of the changes that I've made. I'm quite rude right now. Rude that I'm writing this and letting other people read it (LOL). It's never been my plan though I just want to write something, something about me and how I feel. Maybe it would take time for me to recover. I know it would. I just hope that at that time I'm no more the bitter person that I am today. It's kind of a sick attittude and it feels weird to be like this. Maybe because I'm a happy person outside and a tear-jerky inside (LOL again). It's partly true though. I use to be a happy person until this thing came. I can't seem to feel happiness because of this bitter thought that's lurking inside me.

Damn Lord why is it so hard to get this done and move on? I just want to be happy again. I need to. I don't like this anymore. It's frustrating and GOSH! (HAHA) I know I have to stop. I need to. So maybe until then.

GOODMORNING; CHANGE OR NO CHANGE

2009-12-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

No matter how many times I would say I'll change and try to escape the madness of life, I guess I'm still too weak to do so. There's no changes instead I'm getting worst and getting more mad. There were times that I would like to stop saying CHANGE and just go on with what I have right now.

This morning I just realized that I have to move on with all this CHANGE stuff that won't really happen or maybe will never be happening. Maybe I just have to move on. Maybe.

HELLO NOVEMBER

2009-11-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile and I've been writing on and off here. It's just I'm so busy at work doing overtime and all. So far everything's quite BORING lately. Things happen in a random-routine, do I make sense saying that? (LOL) I want to travel again and again and again. I want to be in a cruise for one week or ride a trailer truck over the weekend but I know it's going to be impossible for now. I need to work hard and earn more money. Sometimes I just want to sleep the whole day without thinking anything. Worry-free.Liberty.Liberty.Peace of mind. When will I have those :

Last night, I was staring at the rain and it gave me a feeling of sadness. Sad because it seems like my life isn't evolving. (LOL. This is what you call tear-jerky-whatever) I don't really know how to explain it, maybe sometimes we just can't jut feelings into words. So I smoke and smoke until I felt dizzy and went home.

You know what? I'm quite sleepy right now. I'll die and have a goodnight :]

ONE RAINY THURSDAY

2009-09-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's nice to be here again. I haven't blog in ages! I was having a rough time lately and not to tell you that I'm goddam broke for how many months starting this year. I have been writing a lot lately but not here obviously. I wrote it in my phone or in my journal book or even in a sheet of paper which I keep after. I wish my phone's with me right now so that I can post some of my words here. I usually wrote it when I poof in our office's comfort room. I got bored while poofing that's why.

Uhm, lately there has been a lot going on with my life. My mum and I were not in good terms, my parent's got bankrupt, our business is dying, I am having this goddam Ulcer (that I wish I don't have) and lastly I'm bored with all this track I wanted to switch with another genre. And I know I just can't... that's the bad thing about life... you just can't make a twist just like in movies.

Today is a cold Thursday and it's my dad's day (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!). I hope his having a good time. You know what, this rainy thing is killing me. It makes me feel dizzy...I'll gonna pass out for now... I'll be writing frequently ...soon.

TULA

2009-07-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

...Your manipulating my day dreams
Leaving me staring into thin air.
Your stealing my sanity
Leaving me smiling into the great cloud nine...

THE INSECUREEE-TALE THAT NEVER ENDS

2009-06-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

"...because today is gone and tomorrow I'll be okay...I'll wait another day..."

I spent almost whole morning browsing the net and I end up here at blogger. I was reading all my older post... I was like..."yeah I was this and now I'm this...A-HOLE!" I still smile though, realizing that after 10 long months I've change a lot.

Since Jed and I met there was a total twist in my life. Before, I was like the home-buddy who stays at home and getting contented spending the whole day reading books, surfing the net, editing photos and all. Now, I'm like "web surfing is boring! I need to go out!" This is no ME...I KNOW.

I think I was just overwhelmed with the new set of friends that I have now. I really enjoy their company and they're totally cool and funny. I don't know when would this episode change (can't wait for the next season!). I know it's not going to be like this forever. Just like Roxie, she went to Manila with Rommel (his boyfriend) and decided to stay there for good (and I really MISS her : ). So that would mean we wouldn't be able to see her every Saturday and that would also mean that she wouldn't be able to party since she's going to focus on her studies (school sucks!LOL) and hey! she doesn't have any friends there yet so it would really take a long time for her to "go out" the way she did it here.

Just today I was checking all my social networking stuff and so I got bored. I open my multiply and I remember HER (she's the girl that I used to hate) user ID so I search it and explore her site. I click on one of her featured LINKS (friendster) and saw her shout out...I had a feeling that she was referring to me and I was like "HEY WAKE UP!"

I know that hating her wont make me pretty (LOL) so I STOPPED! I always tell myself that I would make friends to her like nothing happen (because she knew that I was jealous of her last November...taking sweet pictures with HIM). A week before last week I was treating her okay... I said "HI" and I was like making friends but she's a snob (or maybe I had wrong impressions). Last Friday we were drinking at THE SPOT (Tita Cleve's place) and she was there. I was suppose to say hi but she went home early (is she avoiding me?...that I couldn't answer)

I really wanted to talk to her and ask her if there's any serious problem between us. I just don't like this awkward feeling and I feel like a big time LOSER kissing her ass. I don't really like it. IT'S JUST NOT SO ME :

I know this have been running for 9 months and I'm not liking it. I couldn't deny that she's cute, she's brainy, she plays herself cool and she's popular but I DON'T CARE (blank face) I DON'T WANT TO CARE BUT I'M SO INSECURE NOT TO CARE. I know that if she would be able to read this she would be flattered but I'm just being TRUE I don't mind at all. I just don't want to DENY this anymore. I always tell myself that this is natural and this really happen once in a blue moon ...but it's bugging me and I don't like it.

I don't know if we can talk this out. I don't have her time and I don't know what to tell her also. So I guess it's better to write it. I need and outlet to burst these things out. Maybe after this I will be BETTER.

PROMISE: I WONT CHECK HER SITE ANYMORE.

I think it's better that way :)

Maybe not knowing the rest of her will be getting the best of ME.

I HAPPEN TO STUMBLE WITH MR.HAPPINESS

2009-05-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

...I'm so HAPPPPPPPYYYY yesterday ^______^...

Since I couldn't write anything sensible when I'm happy I'm going to make this post short. HEHE. Anywho, I don't have anything to write for today also... I'm just plain HAPPY :) and I want to share it here.

JOHN DAVID BAGUIO IS ♥

BECAUSE WE WRITE WHAT WE FEEL

2009-05-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

I was skimming my old digital photos a while ago. Skimming all the way down from old to new school shots and so I realized everything really changed. I sighed and decided to post a blog. I know I haven't been posting any updates for a long time and shame on me for that.

I could still remember when I posted something about the new LOB that I'll be working with and the new things that were happening with my life. I could still remember how positive I was at that time (thought the little bit of positivity was flowing with the negative rolls of film already) , how I embraced every single detail that's happening around me (that would certainly include the NEW: people, atmosphere, superiors, stuff that words couldn't even label). I was totally drag-out and keep on regretting about the total-slash-sudden change of environment. I was feeling dizzy with the twirls of mood at that time.

In the middle of every single day as I was working with the new LOB I was feeling nothing. It seems like the people were okay and all. Suddenly, one day at a time a devilish mini monsters was trying to crawl inside them. Getting angry with whatever the reason I really don't know (even until now). But I still keep on cheering myself that there's a purpose why GOD put me here. I'm working but full of dismay and regrets with the decisions that I've made. REGRETS was always my companion each day I work.

Today I realized that "woaah I CHANGE!". I was still stuck with a lot of questions that even me myself couldn't figure to fill out the blanks but though I'm still figuring it out ... I never tend to loose the little positivity that brings me to work everyday. I always told myself that no one should bother me...whatever may come along the way ..memo's , suspensions, termination as much as I've learned little things from my mistakes I would still smile and believed that GOD wants me to be a better person. If this is HIS way of shaping me... SO BE IT.

I don't really care how people judge me. JUDGEMENT from someone would always be present in a real world. What really matters most is how you tell them they're totally WRONG. It's your prerogative of how you're going to do it and never do it by putting air in your head (too literal) just do it naturally. I know that INSECURE-tale is never-ending but who knows? It may end for a while...some people just couldn't face the fact that reality bites.

I wasn't thinking of being okay with my BOSS either, there's just no way! I know he always tells me that I've got an attitude but "I'm so sorry Boss so as YOU!" before you advice me to fix myself you better fix yours first. I'm not quitting this game...now that I know the tricks how to play it. WIN all you can but I'm not gonna QUIT. NO WAY!

DRAG-OUT days are gone. I'm totally hyped and happy now :)

SUMMER IS COLD

2009-04-08T03:36:00.000-07:00

...I MISS HIM...

I really miss someone right now. I don't know how to reach him. I'm hesitant about how I feel for him. I DON'T KNOW! (shout) This feeling is just so wrong. I deleted him in all my social networking accounts. I deleted his number in my phonebook. I'm trying to forget his number.

I think about him for like 3 minutes and forget about him for like...round the clock.

Everyday his name is haunting me (but in a goodway...you know what I mean?) Things were okay back then but you know the word "WORST" really just exist and I couldn't blame if we've never been okay after it.

I don't even know if were going to be friends again. The happening was just so...I couldn't describe it...no words could ever be. I'm just hoping that I'll get over this and you know move on. This feeling is just so impossible.WEARY and COLD top two owrds of the day!

Good thing I had a blast last night...went home DRUNK and HAPPY :)

THANKS TO MY FRIEND KULIX...HAPPY BEERDAY DUDE :D

SO WE END UP SO SOON

2009-04-07T01:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't blog in ages (Oh yeah!) and that's because I've been so busy lately. I'm so busy working, so busy paying my debts, so busy cleaning my room and so busy partying? (LOL ^_^) You know, just one of those things that we do everyday.

Most of the time I was staring at the unpainted wall of my room and I kept on planning about the future. I was thinking, maybe I could loan for a car or maybe a house and lot. I was too dreamy lately. I was thinking of one person though. I was thinking maybe I should have talk to him and tell him things that he needs to hear. Yes, I was quite cold and I never text him for awhile ( in fact, I don't have plans to text him anymore!) it's because he was just too bitter and he took me for granted when things got okay with her girl (which is not really fair aye?).

I never thought that I would miss him and all bu then "you can never really can tell" ...

For how many days, my feelings ran deep and I should say sometimes I have this urge to text him and say "hi" but my PRIDE stopped me. It's just not right. I have a boyfriend and he has his own girl. We have our own world and I don't want things to be complicated like how it was.

Now, I'm feeling good. I never thought that I could get over it for just how many weeks. I don't like what I did for the past few days...you know "the drag-out things?" it was a fling and yeah, I shouldn't have acquainted myself to it. SO WRONG. (HAHA) And thank GOD I'm over it and I'm back being sane.

It was the craziest thing I've done lately...falling into a fling...how bout you, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?HAHA :))

ALMOST GRADUATION

2009-03-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, I'm walking in the isle wearing the black traditional-toga last Saturday but then I decided to quit school...so I really have to wake up and realized that I'm not going to be a part of that big day. But it's not over yet...I know.

IT TAKES A LOT OF 24-HOURS

2009-03-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

I was walking last night, just walking and thinking about nothing. Thinking about my never-ending debts. HAHA (ateek lang!) I was thinking about the things in the future and then I realized once and for all that I seldom think about it. I never think about it actually. It's hard to think about things that would make you grow up. I think I'm not ready yet. HAHA. But of course I couldn't be like this forever. What I mean is at least for now as much as possible I'll get rid of thinking the future. I know I'm near to it and the journey to it's road is almost starting but maybe I'm a little bit scared because I'm not ready yet. I also know that time has it's "moments to buffer" and once it's done it's time to watch the full show of life. So help me GOD!

FALL OUT FALL IN

2009-02-23T01:26:00.000-08:00

"is it worth this time..."

I don't know what to do. I'm confused. I'm troubled about things that seems to be repetitive. I've been so immature this past few years and I think I never gave myself a way to grow up. There were just a lot of regrets along the road and I've wasted so much time thinking about things that doesn't really need any 5-minute meditation.

I went to my gramps place and I met my old friend (once again for a long time). It was like a very good time to catch-up about things that we never really talked about. There were revelations and all. I never thought that it would dig whatever I feel for him ( a long time ago). It was like how many years ago.

So things got mixed up and I need to decide.HAHA. Pretty lame but I don't really know who to choose. I don't know what to do. I'm confused but it's alright. I don't need to rush. Someone needs to wait (if they can). I don't want to decide and regret again afterwards.

I need to go now. I need to work. HAHA. And hey! I know someone bookmarked this blog (HAHA.text me if you want me to call you awkie? "WALLS NEVER TALK")

THE 2-DAYS BEFORE VALENTINES SYNDROME

2009-02-12T00:21:00.000-08:00

Chocolates or flowers? What do you want to receive? Yeah, it seems like hallmark will be earning a lot this week huh? Valentines is coming and yeah, everyday just sucks! I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe there's nothing wrong with me it's just the holiday. Funny it may seem but it's dragging me out. Can we skip this holiday and you know feel normal on that day. I know we can't, there's just going to be a lot of people who will protest. HAHA. Maybe I'm just hungry and I need to eat. This brain is not working for a while. Enjoy the valentines! I know it's too early but yeah, just enjoy it everyone :)

LATE NEW YEAR POST

2009-01-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

HAHA.So how was 2009 treating me so far? So far so cool. It's January and I just turned 20 (getting old). Me and a couple of friends (mostly from Mabolo) went to blue reef to celebrate it. It was fun and I'm glad we pushed through.

Lately, I was just working not doing anything spectacular.HEHE. I feel sad though for I will be transferring to PREPROV next week. It's another LOB and that would mean I'm not going to see my friends as frequent as before. It's going to be something new. New year, new LOB, new job. HAHAY *sigh* But it's alright I'll get used to it. I know and I should be. Not to tell you my PTO's were all waved out.HAHAY *sigh* I'm supposed to be spending vacation at my Lola's place next week but it seems like work won't let me. So there, I won't.

Now, I'm staring at the PC for almost 3hours. Just checking the usual sites that I need to check. Good thing it's payday. Say goodbye to the droughty days. HAHA. All I'm wishing for now is a little peace of mind. I NEED A VACATION LORD.UGH.PLEASE LET ME HAVE IT A WEEK AFTER NEXT.HEHE :D

NEW YEAR SYNDROME

2008-12-31T15:08:00.000-08:00

The clock hits twelve midnight and everybody outside was celebrating New Year's Eve. I was watching the beautiful fireworks outside the window pane and I realized that this has been my second year spending the holiday alone (I mean out of the house, away from home). It's actually a tear-jerking moment but I don't want to sound melo-dramatic about it.

It's been a long year and there were a lot of tear-clotted days that was spent. There were nutzoid decisions that I've made and regret it afterwards. There were people who decided to stray and there were people who decided to stay.

Last year wasn't that great. My life was more on soap opera scene than a humorous comedy sitcom. I was having a hard time believing in my own self that there's nothing wrong with committing mistakes (does that sound redundant?). I was trapped in that belief and it was so hard for me to cope up with things. I kept on blaming myself about failures which really sounds normal if you were born in this century of sins. I was too rush about deciding simple things that needs to have a five-minute-meditation. Most of all I always ran away whenever I couldn't figure out what to do. I couldn't seem to face my problems. It has been my weakness and I was having a hard time conquering it.

Just this morning as I was puffing cigarette smoke during my 15-minute break I was reflecting all these things in my head and I laughed a little to myself. Maybe I was so immature back then. I almost have real FREEDOM if only I made the right decision. I could have the liberty to go out and be who I want to be. Unlimited time. It was change because I sinked into one emotion that over-clouded myself all this time. I, once again believe that things would work out, that I still need a comfort zone to huddle things, that I couldn't face it alone but then I was wrong. I was so wrong because after all it was just me all alone. I still made it. I face my problems. I fought for it alone. I didn't ran away because I had the feeling that it would just pass by and I have to let it flow. Maybe I was just a little bit wrong. I couldn't take it back now. It's been 3months and it's hard to take it back. Maybe I'll just have to stick around.

This year I don't know what would be my resolution. I couldn't even think of anything. HAHA. It's going to be...whatever I think. Self improvement for me is such a cliche. I don't want to sound pathetic if I couldn't improve myself but I think this is just my new self and last year was just...you know...the moment-of-knowing-your-self-more (sigh). It was, I think. Maybe. But everything's fine. I think. I'll be fine. HAHA. Of course I should be. I still have 20 years to struggle and believe that this world is perfect. I don't want to die not riding the roller coaster again. LOL :))

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

2008-12-28T13:10:00.000-08:00

Most people would say I'm a happy-funny person. Yes, indeed I couldn't deny that there's a reality on that. A small chunk of reality. 90 degrees of who I am lurks a happy-funny person but the rest of my 270 degrees is a serious human of a kind.

Most of my friends who just knew me would say that I am crazy,unpredictable,easy-going. Yes! I am that person but there's more to that. They would usually say I'm no good at anything. I'm just good in making fun. HAHA. I could laugh out loud and forget about it because I know inside me that it's not true.

The other day my oldest-slash-closest friend (way back high school) paid me a visit at home. He was shocked about the changes of my physical looks (because I'm skinny and bony now unlike before I looked healthy and normal). I showed him my new room and I could tell that there's a familiarity of things in his eyes. He's been the oldest friend that I ever had. We always hang-out in my place playing boring scrabble and chess.HAHA. That was ideally boring but I could still remember that we always laugh when we lost out of words to put-up or lost out of moves.

When we were inside my room he looked at my bookshelves and smile. He then said:"Oi napaman lagi ni...kaila pagyud diay ku nimu Yang..." I smiled. That made me happy. The couple of hours was spent by chit-chat of our lost days.There were just a lot to share. For years, I know I've changed a lot. I was never been the old me. You know, the bookworm who never wanted to went out. I was the shy-type of person who wanted to stay in one corner listening to some old classic music while scribbling some words on a notepad. Who would have thought that I would take up Mass communication instead of Political Science? Who would have thought I would quit school and ran away from home? Who would have thought that I would work at a call center? Nobody.Nobody thought I would. Then I guess I changed.There was a total twist in my being.

I was glad he came by. It seems like half of the old me begun to synchronized with my new self (the present). I know that I would never be the same no matter how I bring back my old self. Time changed me. Eventhough he never said it straight to my face that I've changed I know that he was thinking I did. I couldn't blame him if he thinks that way. It's just true and I'm glad that God always sends someone to let me remember who I was.

When my friend left the house I have this feeling of missing him and my close high school friends.They were the only people who always wanted to read my closet stories (they always sneak it from my bag.HAHA!) They were unbeatable!If there's somebody who knows me well it's my old friends. They know me better than any of my friends in the present. If there's somebody who has the right to judge me then maybe it's them because they know me well. Well enough to advice me to go back to school and finish college. I know my friend was right. I need to go back to school and finish whatever I started from there. It's now going to be my decision. It's for me to decide. I couldn't answer that now but I know later on I could. I need to. Whatever decision I would make today would affect my whole tomorrow.

As for now, I need to take it one step at a time. Rushing would lead me to nowhere. It's just a matter of time. I'll get there.

BLANK

2008-12-06T15:12:00.000-08:00

I'm as sober as water but hell wont let me write anything.
I guess it's just the headache, the runny-nose, the fever, the cough,
in short I'm not feeling well :(

RAINY DAYS: ALMOST CHRISTMAS

2008-11-25T01:48:00.000-08:00

Alone again.Things are like this during weekdays.BORE.ALONE.WEB SURFING.EATING.SLEEPING.Then the next day that would be the same exact things that would happen. There's more to life than these things but I'd rather stay at home and do some good read.

Yeah, they say "you're the one who's making your life boring" but what can I say? HAHA. I enjoy doing those kind of things. The lazy way of life or should I call it the slow-pace way of life.

As much as possible I want to stay at home and get rid with the big crowd. I hate crowded places. I mostly get bored. I hate gigs but when somebody ask me to go I could simply say NO but sometimes a "YES" escapes in my mouth.

Ignoring invitations sometimes makes life more easier, accepting them makes it complicated. I just figured that a while ago when I was staring at the heavy down pour of the rain.

TODAY IS MONDAY: NO WONDER

2008-11-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

Start of the week, what can I say? Nothing special happen today. I was actually expecting for some once-in-a-lifetime-surprises but there was none. The entire morning was spend in the lousy building of MCWD. I was running errands for my mum like paying our water bill. There was a lot of people waiting for their numbers to be posted on the counting-machine (I don't really know how they call it) .

When I got home the sun was so hot and I decided to open my PC and check some emails and net stuff. Nothing caught my interest so I decided to turn it off. I went to my room and read the stupid handbook. I threw it on the floor and decided to take a nap. When I woke up it was late afternoon already (almost evening).

Right now I'm still stuck with this vintage desktop writing the entire script for my sisters short film. I feel sleepy but I need to finish the script in the morning.DARN!

I LAUGH HARD WHEN I'M SAD

2008-11-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

Weebee to me! I never posted blog in ages. For some sort of reasons:

+I am busy at work.

+I was thinking so hard about a lot of unexplainable things.

+I was planning about the never ennding DEBTS 101. [waaaa]

+I was editing pictures. [mostly overdue]

+Friendster sucks most of the time [and where did this came from?]

+Life was busted for a while and right now it's still under repair.

+I wanted to stay out of blogging. [my previous posts were foor soap operas]

+There's a lot of aftershift shindigs. [which simply means i couldn't go home early]

+There's a lot later appointments. [that's how they call it when done randomly]

+I couldn't figure out the next reason but I could post the pictures as my proofs. [LOL]

My reasons are so out of nowhere but that''s just how it would be when you couldn't figure out a speech that would be due next week. (TSK50x)

The pornographs! I mean photographs!

THE AFTERSHIFT SHINDIG [broken + beerday = BAHALA NA!]

I WAS EDITING THIS FOR KIM BULITAS [ambisyuso galore!]

ONE OF THE AFTERSHIFT SHINDIGS [of course with lactopafi dept. Bigbird and Doc.arvin]

THE LATER APPOINTMENTS [@ormoc with cousins]

It's hard to post pictures here if you want to check the pictures just clickoo this link:

http://fakesmiledelivery.multiply.com

MY OWN PHOTO BUCKET. LMAO :))

JUST GO THERE

2008-10-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

The more you grow old the more you foresee the harshness of life. It's going to be two months after and I'll be somewhere, somewhere they call growing UP. It's going to be different I know. People would expect much mature character in me. It's going to be a dark road out there. Dark because I couldn't figure out the images that would slap me from time to time. Anyhow I'm not scared. The battle of life was having too much pattern but no matter how maze it would look like I know I would finish the first round and level up.

It's going to be along year and I could tell that the journey would be so tiring. I wanted to ready myself to it. I would stop whatever vices that I have learned from the past round. Growing up right? Yeah, tough road, it will bore you sometimes especially without vices but I would like to live life more in the positive side. It's going to be easier that way. I'll throw away all the negatives and print all the positives. Next year would be the start on the 8th day of it.

JUST LEAVE.RUN

2008-10-23T08:29:00.002-07:00

Why wont you say that one word I need to hear. I need you to leave now. If ever you''ll leave don't dare to comeback. I think you don't need me and I don't want you to feel that I need you. We're not in good terms you know that. I hate the fact that I'm starting to like you big time. We're just playing like we're okay but the mere fact that we're starting to get shaky scares me a lot. I don't want to feel that juxtapose syndrome again. WEIRD.

YOU WERE THINKING

2008-10-22T19:13:00.001-07:00

OVER. You were thinking that it's over. You thought that it's going to stop there but you found yourself wrong. Indeed wrong. You agreed on the fact that they're friends but the word cripples your thoughts. Sometimes it gave you weird dreams at night.

OVERTHINK. I guess, that's the right word for it. Thinking about nonsense farts. This world wont give you a damn thing to think about. Sometimes you thought your fine but then your internal corners disagree on how you portrait it outside.

HARD.Is it really hard to be true? Why do I just write it here if I can dare to say it to him with a straight face? Maybe, it's hard. telling the truth is never easy.Yeah, it's like admitting to the media that you raped someone.

SUSPECT. How come it never ends?

YOU'RE AN ALIBI MACHINE

2008-10-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Everywords he says you were thinking it's true but you were skimmng into the world wide web and poof! He copied it there? Shame on you for believing what he said was true but shame on him for copying all those alibis. Drop. You were thinking it wont happen again but then a month after that he has this line that sounds so cute and sweet but after you found out that it's from his friend's internal membrane you figure out that it's not cute after all.

There are certain things maybe I'll leave it as it is. They're better left unsaid.

THE PLAY MASTER

2008-10-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

I always play it fine.

You always play it right.

We always end up impressing our big farts :)

THE WORRIED LOOK AND THE GREEN MORNING

2008-10-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how to start or what to write. I've been staring at my desktop for how many hours thinking what to type but I couldn't think of anything. I was like squeezing my brain and waiting for some juice to drop but I think my brain is so drain OUT. I was just thinking lately, how come people can be so nice sometimes but once in a while they will just take you for granted. I was thinking maybe I wasn't able to impress them with my melancholy or I was just enjoying the nostalgia that I'm feeling right now. It seems like things are not right. I was thinking we're okay but maybe we're still not okay. I am finding a lot of ways to make things work but it seems like we're living in two different world and I'm having a hard time colliding both worlds. It's just HARD. He likes this and I like that. DIFFERENT. Yeah, that's the right word. DIFFICULT. Yeah, that's the best description. Maybe I need to slow down. Take it slow. Do the sit-down-for-a-while-and-think drill. It's just so HARD to UNDERSTAND the days and his face. I couldn't figure out what he wants me to understand with his worried look on a green morning sky.TROUBLED.

PLASTIC: ARE THEY HUMAN?

2008-10-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

It was a hard day for me, I should say. I wasn't feeling well and I was sick. I couldn't stretch the feelings of depression because of my never ending debts. I was having a stressful job because I didn't know how to start an explanation letter (but I already finished it a while ago). HARD. That's the best word for that day. A couple of what I call friends decided to go somewhere to have a small time vacation good for 1 night and 2 days. Everything was planned until a news splash strikes and a weather forecast came out that there will be a low depression somewhere north of Cebu ( I don't want to be specific because I don't really know). The whole plan (which lasted for a month) was ruined and everybody felt crashed (so am I). The day came and the weather was good. The sun came out. Maybe the forecast was wrong. The sky was blue and the day seems cool. They wanted to push through but I wasn't feeling good so I decided not too. My body was on fire (don't think so green). The heat was very uncontrollable and I wasn't really really (I tend to repeat it because "really" wont suffice) feeling good. I believed that I am the captain of my soul. I should be the first person to decide if I would go or not. If I was on my best health I would really go but I was NOT so what's the sense of going if I wont enjoy the ride. It's just a waste of money, a waste of strength and a waste of time. I don't really care how they feel (you can call me selfish right now) but I would agree on the fact that HEALTH IS WEALTH. With all my debts I should work hard and I don't need a break (like what they call ABSENT from work) to rest. I couldn't afford to do that because I've got a lot of responsibilities at home (meaning CASH responsibilities) and I have to pay a lot of credits. GOD knows how caught up I am as of the moment. I just couldn't understand some people how they get mas about you when you couldn't make it. Last night I jump into conclusion that I wouldn't agree on vacations. NO VACATIONS as of the moment. I don't need all those yet. I will (meaning in the future) have them as long as I have the money and I can afford to do them. If somebody will ask me again I will answer them directly that I don't have money. i don't really care about how people look at me or what will they say. I always hear some of them would say I'M NO FUN. I don't really care. I've been there before. I wasn't that happy though. I've been at those times where in I don't care about problems and debts.

As for now, I should know my priorities and I should make decisions as slowly as I can. I remember somebody call me a LOSER long ago. I didn't know if that was a joke for her but in some corner that word hurt my ego (but if you were reading my blogs I did call myself a loser too). I remember I posted here that I always play that part and I'm not proud of it maybe it's just a mere fact that we play that part for sometime. I am not a full time loser though. I have reasons why and I don't have plans to post it here. Sometimes I believe that it's better to say nothing.

There is just one question that bothers me last night "PLASTICS : ARE THEY HUMANS?"

TAINTED EX WORKMATE

2008-09-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

The day was quite boring. I decided to turn on my PC and check my emails. I plan to edit and upload some latest pictures from my digital camera but something stopped me. I was skimming on my ex-work mate's multiply web page and I clicked on her blog link. I've read it, actually I read them all to be honest. She was quite of a blogger.Before I always have this impression that she was just with music and she wants to be part of the audio slave community but I found my self wrong. She loves books and she knows how to write. When I said write it's not just writing "blah blah" but it means writing some sensible topics. I wont quote any topic though because she writes in whatever-genre. I guess I was just very judgemental way back then . I judge her because she's a loud person ( in my own opinion). She often talks about gigs and all and at times I found it very insensitive. I even told her before that she's some kind of a music freak. I knew that I hurt her ego but I was just being frank. I tend to have this virtue of telling the truth (I'm not tactless though). However, I found her words agreeable. She once wrote on her blog that sometimes when your out of school you tend to have this feeling of being DUMB. Even if your drooling your self to a shelves full of power books. There's always a point in our lives that we didn't know what to say, what words to write, what music to listen or what whoring to do if your day turns out to be BOREDOME 101. So I will just jump into conclusion that school is cool and she's way too cool as well.

THE BLUE SKY AND THE RAINY NIGHT

2008-09-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Around 9:48 in the evening my father woke me up. I stood up from my bed and get my cellphone for a time check. I was late! Yeah, again. I'm always the great procrastinator of all time. I know I am. I decided to call my office and took a day off. Then I remember that there's a gig in a bar called F&B in Labangon. I had plans to go and witness the scene without any benefit of a doubt. I decided to scan my cellphone and check my SMS's. There's always a lot of them. I read them all and went to the shower room. The air was cold, the water was too. I was thinking if I'd go there I don't have enough money. I was thinking , maybe next time. I sent April an SMS and I asked her whereabouts on that night. She told me that she was with her boyfi and their drinking some booze somewhere in Eastwest. I told her I wanted to drop by and share some happy hour but then she gave me her sweetest decline. From my multiple choices I only left with two, it's either going to the gig or strolling alone under the blue sky. After taking a short bath I made up mind. I'll go to the gig.

The night was rainy though and everybody was talking about some great fuss.Whatever. I saw some of my friends and we shared some high fives. I saw one of my online pals (tobal).HAHA. I was so shy then. I couldn't even dare to say hi. Later that night, after the gig, we stayed at Eric's place and took a short nap. I went home around 3pm with the thought that my parents would scold me for going home late in the afternoon. I wasn't scared though. I guess I'm just used of the words that they always throw at me whenever I did something wrong (for them).

Later that night, my mother's friends went to our house. They wanted to check the new design for the new house. I was on my vintage desktop at that time so my mother approached me. Honestly, I didn't know how to open the file that she wanted me to open. I told her we will just open the file when my small brother is up. She then said that we are useless and we haven't done anything right. The embarrassing part was that she was relaying those words to her friends. I couldn't bare to listen the words of my mother so I decided to turn on my iPod and tune the volume into full blast. I decided not to listen. Her words were raw. I wonder how come she calls us her kids if she's saying words behind our back. Worst.

SO WHAT I DON'T CARE

2008-09-23T23:24:00.000-07:00

Can you say it to the person who taught you how to be real? I can't say it on a straight face.LOL

I run out of words to write so I was thinking that maybe I'll post something nonsense for awhile.

ONE MIXED SORTS

2008-09-23T01:12:00.000-07:00

My night was like hell. My Team Lead (whom I call Bayut Bungutun) scolded me for committing over break during my shift. I found it unreasonable though because I wasn't technically on over break (maybe for that instance I was but not generally). I don't care though. He could be as devilish as he wanted to be but I could be angelic in my own hell either. I wasn't able to do the sign of the cross when I said bad stuff behind his back. I didn't even have a single clue that he might be doing it either. However, me and a couple of my workmates went to Leslie's place to have a house party. Maybe it was her birthday ( I don't really know). We smoked, ate, laughed,drank a bottle of Mujitos and went home. I was sober when I went home though. I'll share some of the pictures here but if you want to check out the entire album just access the caption below the picture.

more pics @ fakesmiledelivery.multiply.com

THE PERFECTIONIST SUPERIORS

2008-09-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Eversince I was a child I was taught about how to live life independently even until now. I brought all those values that my parents has taught me. Before, they said that they were lucky to have a daughter like me but today it turns out to be the other way around. Through time I've change. There were a lot of corners in my life I preferred to keep as a secret. I've never been my old self since. I was struggling to fight for my principles. Sometimes the battle of philosophies turns out to be a big conflict. Many times I run away but still decided to go home because the word "family" would always makes me remember that I have one.

Conflicts? I have experienced many of it this year. They always thought that my philosophies in life are useless. I don't really argue with them but I just disagree with what they wanted me to do. I'm a grown up now. I'm 19 and I'm turning 20 next year. Maybe I don't need the term "being told" but what I need is guidance.

Parents, yes they are sacred. Indeed. I was able to respect them for the entire 19 years. Right now, all I want them to do is to listen to me more than nagging me with my past regrets. I was able to absorbed every single words they said. I know I did. Sometimes it helped me untie the notch of dilemmas but many times I find them useless.

I love them both but as what they said when pain strikes it will make you numb. It's like you're feel nothing at all. I hope I wont go that far. NUMB.

LOVE: BONUS

2008-09-12T00:07:00.000-07:00

This is what they said love is always a bonus not a hocus focus :)

I really don't know what to write. I just can't sleep right now (after drinking how many cups of coffee during my shift) and I don't know what to do. I was just whoring with my camera a while ago and I feel bored. I'm talking to bigbird right now.HAHA :)

ALONE: I DON'T KNOW

2008-09-05T20:56:00.001-07:00

You will never know what your morning will turn out. A younger brother who will always pick on you, an empty wallet for a Saturday night. Life can be hell sometimes. It's hard to be someone when people don't understand how you feel. I'm not a loner though but I kept all my problems to myself. It's easier that way but sometimes when you don't know what to do and all you could do is talk to your own self, then you just sit down and do nonstop talking. I often do that. When I couldn't help it and I don't seem to know who to trust to I just sit down, stay in my room for the whole time until I feel good. Now, you can call me a loner. HAHA. I know the imagery looks weird but I'm used to it. When I don't feel good I don't go out, I don't eat, I don't take a bath, pardon my vernacular but it's like "maka way gana."
Being alone in this world is normal. Having friends is a bunos. Having a boyfriend is a plus. Having parents can be such a riot sometimes. Knowledge is not the only power freedom can be likewise. I hate sad memories but I have this tendency of reminiscing them because I love the pain and the nostalgic sensation, it makes me feel strong. I love long walks at night because I love watching city lights and the high road. I love blogging because I have the liberty to write whatever I want even if you say it's so out of the box.Just like this. CRAP!

2006: THE LESSER THE BETTER

2008-09-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

Long ago I made a decision but I wasn't really sure about it. However, I still face my fear and out of curiosity I tried and face it. I wasn't really sure but I still did it. Right now, it's like a fad actually but I wasn't tagging that factor in life as a fad because I know it's NOT.

Today, I wasn't really sure If I'm doing the right things, if I'm making the right decisions. I know my decisions most of the time are impulsive and very unreasonable. I then realized that I am way way way too far of being perfect but the thought that we're humans and we're not meant to be perfect gives me a little comfort. Sometimes I make it as my defense mechanism and I tell you it's not really helping me. I'm not the person I used to be. I know I changed a lot.

Do you know how does it feel to be left out? I don't know but that's what I feel right now. How about taken for granted? HAHA. This is crazy I'm blogging about a lot of things. There's just a lot of happenings into my life right now that I can't explain. I'm TIRED and I'm SICK of the CRAP that keeps on coming back. How I wish one day when I wake up I'll go back to year 2006. That year was less hassle. I might not have the luxury of freedom that I have right now but that was way too cool to handle. Life was better on that year, life was more simple.

A PHONE TALK

2008-08-29T01:47:00.000-07:00

It was late afternoon when I call my friend. I always call him when I'm bored. We talk about a lot of things. Mostly funny stuff. Sometimes work stuff and we even bump into serious matters like problems and life. I just wonder why I'm so comfortable with him. He's like my big brother not to tell you his really big and his getting old (sorry dude,honesty is the best policy) and he talks old too. We talk for like how many minutes and hung up. Then I was thinking why wont I blog about him. He's been one of my closest friend lately. He once told me not to go with my drinking friends again. Not to be wasted because I'm good into something. I somewhat know how to write and I'm not jobless. At that time I should admit he was right. I was not really bad in writing. I was good into something. That's why I'm trying to fix my self right now. I'm back with my plans and I have three chunks of inspiration. My family, my friends (your part of it dude), my JED (did somebody asked me if I'm falling?). LOL. Thanks for the late afternoon calls BIGBIRD. Laugh trip was never been the same. HAHA. Let's laugh all we want again. See you in the office :)

WHEN I LOOK BACK

2008-08-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

Time was running and I was running with it too. I wasn't looking at the sign boards and again I get lost. For the "nth" time this year I lost my way. I always do. I know I'm a coward when it comes to the word LOVE. I sink myself to it but when I feel it's too my much I tend to stand up and run away but this time it's not the same. I'm not really good in that field, many people call me loser because I know for quite sometime I play that part. I might be playing cowardice because I always run away and solve things in my own but I stand up for my reasons. I don't want people to be involve specially those people who are special, very special and starting to be special. For almost 19 years of existence in earth I've learn that silence makes things easier. Being alone makes things faster and makes things clearer. I might left someone hanging right now but I hope that you understand why. I always do this when I lost my map to the right road. I'm a coward and I'll always play that part when I reach some boundaries that are not meant to be reach. SORRY, I should say this to you in person but I chose not to because it's not yet time. If you can wait I'll stay by your side forever but I still need space for now and I want to be alone. I want to think more deeper and more deeper. I need to figure things alone. This is my world and I'm planning to arrange it first before you come in. I PROMISE I'll make it faster so you wont MISS me that much.PLEASE WAIT.

This is for you JED. I hope you'll read this.

MADNESS

2008-08-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

I lost my dog.
I'm sad.
I'm mad.
I'm lonely.
Life's getting bluer and bluer everyday.
I'm just BORED.
The routines are getting old.
I'm getting old.
I'm not having a good time.
I'm sick T_T

REALITY CHECK

2008-08-17T21:13:00.001-07:00

For the past few days I've learned that time really changed people. I've been a sole player of the game called life, sometimes I fight alone sometimes I have criminal partners. It kind of strike me lately that there are places and there are lifestyles that I really can't suit myself. I don't know but right now I know I'm not on the right track but I keep on fighting and make it right.

How come it feels so wrong to be with someone you feel infatuated with. I know I was rushing when I gave him the answers but part of me at that time says that I was right. Maybe because I was thinking sooner or later I will learn to like him. Yes, at that time I like him but indeed the feeling was not deep and I know the feelings wont get deeper. I was maybe fooling myself by telling that it will help me mend the wounds of the past. Deep inside it's not mending. Its still bleeds and the more the days pass like how the earth revolves from the sun the more I miss the days I always called good times.

Right now, I can't feel it. I can't sense it. Maybe his world was like way too different for me to understand. I can't resist by thinking that we don't have something in common even on the way we think about things. We're totally different and I know time will never makes us common. We don't share any common friends, common places to hang out, common words to laugh out loud, common feelings? I bet that's how it explains in how I rush things. I better quit this or else I don't want to commit mistakes again. I don't want to and I don't have plans.

DISCONNECTED

2008-08-11T04:42:00.000-07:00

What the hell was wrong with our PC?!? I was like having this great great day!You know what happen?!?Well it sucks to tell you that we don't have internet connection for a week and then there was virus.ERRRRRRR! can't ask for another BUMMER's to come.

LATELY: NEW FACE OF REALITY

2008-08-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

LAST PICTURES OF "US"

I've realized that every love story has it's ending and sometimes in every ending happily ever after is nowhere in sight. For almost two years we've been perfect as a couple. Some would say it must be forever. I said it to myself too, maybe his the right one, maybe forever would be him. But there are some point in our relationship that we forgot how to give faith. We never thought that jealousy is very powerful that it could give us pain everytime we feel it. It could even destroy our virtues in life. Then and there conflicts came into our way. It seems like it's part of the routine. A day wont be perfect without a small fight. Then suddenly the magic of love was gone. It's replaced by hatred and pain.

Maybe two years was enough for us. Maybe were not really forever as what we always thought. If before I always knock into his door and ask him to come back eventhough I was the one who said it's over, for some reason I won't do it again. I will never do it again. I will just feel the pain inside and let it crushed me for a while. No matter how long will it be. I'm a believer. I believe that time heals every wounds that we have. I will wait. I will wait for the time to mend all the wounds. I will never knock into his door and ask him to come back. He gave me enough reasons last night. Maybe it's really over and I don't have plans to look back. His bitter words just gave enough strength to embrace all the pain. Maybe this is goodbye.

CANTON BEACH: HELL OF FUN

2008-08-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

MORE PIX @ fakesmiledelivery.multiply.com

Hey!I know I was kind of pissed off with my friendster account lately but it doesn't mean I have to be pissed forever right?Me and my workmates went to Canton Beach to celebrate the success of our regularization. I thought it would be boring and all but it turns out to be a hell of fun.HAHA.We shared some happy hour and drink some booze but of course I was not wasted. I never thought that spending time with the oldies would be so awesome. We talked about a lot of things like life, love,work and they shared also some of their sentiments.LOL. People could be so dramatic sometimes because of alcohol. So what now?!?I'm still sober but I'm tired, need to grab some sleep.Good night dude :)

FRIENDSTER SUCKS

2008-07-28T23:18:00.001-07:00

I'm starting to hate friendster. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I just woke up and I was trying to check my emails and all web stuff then I was startled with friendster's new look. Then I started to wonder why I was a fan of my brother's account then I found out that my account was reverted into a fan profile. BUMMER! What a day! I can't ask for another o-hoooseeer! happening. SUCKS! I don't know what to do. I don't really know now. That account was the oldest account that I have aside from my emails. It just mean something to me you know. I always update the page and all stuff that needs to be updated on that profile. Now it's a mess and whoever that one BIG SUCK who happens to change my profile...I HOPE YOU DIE!...SH*T...Now I SUCK in friendster. This is really OVER-REACTING but if your in my shoes right now you will feel the same maybe even worse and not to tell you I just updated the lay out yesterday. GOD! I just don't really like the idea that I need to leave that account in thin air. That's just so UNFAIR.

SATURDAY NIGHT

2008-07-27T01:19:00.000-07:00

more pix @ fakesmiledelivery.multiply.com

I really love how my new lay out looks like. I need to put my cbox later. There are a lot of things I need to fix for this blog. By the way last night was really great! Hanging out with my cousins and few friends. That was a group date, indeed. It was fun BIG TIME. I have few photos that maybe I can post here later. We went home around 4am. We went to Fruits and Foods first our favorite meeting place. That place is getting old and best place to chill. We decided to hop to another place so we went to Mandaue and drank a few bottles of beer and we went to Liloan our last stop. We finished one pitcher of hard rum with ice tea and decided to go home. That was the first night out ever since working in CVG. I was really serious with my work lately and going out for a while evens out stress. It didn't hurt my pocket though so that was okay. Actually the plan was going to Typecast gig but the shindig was very far and we went out late already so we decided to make our night and it turns out to be fun and relaxing. One of the best nights ever :)

NEW LAY OUT

2008-07-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

I was inspired with ate shaq's page, very simple and very easy to navigate so I decided to change mine too. I deleted the old template and change it to default. I like it. Indeed. So what happen to me today? Not that big fuss to tackle actually. Let's see, I was working for grave yard shift again. Shift starts at 10pm and ends at 7am which sounds fair for me. My boyfriend fetch me around 8am so that was like one hour ride from IT Park to Sto. Rosario Parish. We ate breakfast together which sounds like a breakfast date to me. I really had fun and I was really happy. In the afternoon around 2pm I went to CDH to see my doctor and have my eyes checked then I found out that I have a sore eyes which sucks but not that worse though because it's not really viral. I went home and drop by to my vintage PC and poof! I customized my lay outs and posted some blogs like this. After this I'll be hanging out with my ever dearest bedroom and sleep for two hours then repeat the whole thing for tomorrow. Farewell for now :)

MISSING HIM

2008-07-21T02:25:00.000-07:00

i miss the guy who used to make me smile

i miss the guy who used to make me laugh

i miss the guy who used to be there for me

i miss him and i miss him and i will always miss him :(

i also miss this :

GOOD TIMES :)

PUT AWAY THE DRAMA

2008-07-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Nah...the title doesn't really mean anything.I was just going to claim this blog for my technorati account and I can't think of a blog title so there you go.LOL. Well my rest day for the week is coming to an end and I have to work again for the entire week wishng for weekeend to come so soon. I just want to move on with hurt and all this drama. So I guess this day is the start. There you go technorati I'm going to post your button here:

Technorati Profile

Got to go now.Laters dude!

THE AFTERMATH SUNDAY

2008-07-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

Lately I lost my way going to road of the finish line. I thought I was having fun and all but when I woke up

this morning I found out that I was not in the right road that I wanted to take...then the word waste strikes me...those days I spent with friends just haging out and drinking booze was just a waste of time and a waste of money...I wasn't having fun at all and I decided that I need to be tough again and take the high road of growing up...whew!

***

Today is sunday and it's a nice day to take your pet a walk and talk to them like they're all humans...

my puppy named DABBY

BAKE

2008-07-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what brought me here right now

Guess what I'm tired

and I feel sleepy but surprisingly

I can't sleep!

So how's that?

I just want to grab some sleep you know

but this stupid eyes wont shut!

DAMN CRAP!

EARN FROM AN ONLINE SURVEY

2008-07-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

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You can just click those links for easy access. Have fun and earn!

LOSER: SMS SENT

2008-07-06T17:51:00.000-07:00

Somebody just send me an SMS and its says:
"LOSER GYUD KA!"
I was stunned with the message then I sit down and stared at the words. The SMS was from my colleague. She was inviting me to have a happy hour and drink some booze with them at 9'o'clock in the morning. I declined because I know it won't do me any good. Besides I have a lot of things to fix and a lot of errands to do. I was just thinking maybe this colleague of mine who turns out to be one of my friends was just being tuck less about her words. Thinking that she knows me and all. I stood up and laugh at the SMS and then I went to the kitchen still thinking about it. Then something stroked me and I realized that I miss my friends way back in high school and in college. I miss them because they're the one whom I can call real friends. I know I am very choosy when it comes to giving trust and respect. I don't just throw those values to people whom I don't know and I don't really care. I was just thinking maybe she thought she knew me and maybe she thought that we're close. Well if that's what she's thinking then maybe she's wrong. It may sound funny but I don't really give friendship to people who just throw some rude words like that. And right now my respect for her change and I don't want to get closer to her. I remember when I was still working in my previous company I have this friend whom I always share a laugh with. We were really close you know talking to the phone and exchanging SMS and all but she never got the nerve and send me some rude SMS like that. She might understand that it's rude and it's morbid to hear from someone who's really knew to call your friends. That SMS just gave me disappointments about her. I think I need to clean my closet and look for another friend-to-be. LOL. Well if that was a joke for her then sorry if I take it personally because your joke was so DUMB. I just hope you're not.

OTH SEASON 4 && 5

2008-07-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

wohoooooo!

I have One Three Hill's complete episodes

for season 4 and 5 I'm just so happy because

I can watch it over and over again.HEHE

season 6 is not yet in town...it will be broadcast

on september this year can't wait to have the copy

***

another part of my happiness is the "date"

with my ex-boifi (choi).HEHE

funny isn't it? we just eat and talk like

nothing messy happened to us

we were just talking and having fun

I love the feeling that were okay now and

good thing were friends...keep safe DAOT!

***

i think i'll sign off now :)

PISSED

2008-07-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

i was just pissed with my supervisor

you know people can be very stupid sometimes

and they would never know that they're very annoying

i don't know if he's mad at me or he's taking it personally

i just took my scheduled lunch break then he logged me out

of my avaya?how was that huh?

he was scolding me like he was my father?

LOL. i just really want to laugh at the fact that he's comparing his

old account with the new account that he's handling right now

he even told me not to give him "an attitude?" so wana lang syay

kewnta...aw kunsabagay waman syay attitude!.HAHA

so what if i don't read that F****N handbook ey?

hey you! if you don't want to waste your time from pissing and

messing with me then i don't have a time to read you freaking

hand book stupid faggot!

little did you know that there are a lot of people who doesn't

like you? if you don't feel it in your nerves then i would say

"YOU"RE SO INSENSITIVE AND HOW PATHETIC WAS THAT?"

do you think you know everything because you read that hand book?

i don't care if you would read this and feel pity for me i am just so FULL

of your ego and your....errr!

and hey if you think you can gain respect from that ...well i don't think so

and i don't think you will....from your kiss ass attitude towards the superiors

LOL. it's very obvious and from your incoherent acts..tsk200x...well supe...

I HATE YOU! and you can never earn any respect from me because from the

time you logged me out i logged it out also... does the the line sounds familiar?

LMAO!...i bet i copied it from yours...btw I'm okay now and I'll always be ....

just keep on messing with me so that i can have long blogs everyday and i can mess

with your character also...works for me though..i don't know if it works for you!

HAHA :)

LIVING THE HARD LIFE

2008-06-30T19:41:00.001-07:00

I can rarely sleep with all my utang and right now I will lukat choi's cellphone because it's almost due and I'm sorry choi if I can't return it right away because I'm going to use it for awhile until my next payday. I promise after my next payday I'll pay you everydebts I have. Sorry if I didn't keep my promise about returning it on the 30th it's just I'm in the middle of nowhere right now. That would mean middle of no money, middle of resources to pawn and middle of no friends to lean on. I hope you're okay and please be safe. I think I'll stop here time to sleep now.

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY: AM I HAPPY?

2008-06-30T02:40:00.001-07:00

Anniversary without him. Can I still call it like that? Honestly, we broke up. Again and this time it's for real. I don't really know how he's feeling right now and I don't really want to know. I just don't have the guts to ask or maybe I don't want to care for a while and just be selfish and think about myself. I have a lot of money problems right now. I have some debts to pay. I don't know how can I pay all this crap. I'm so messed up right now. I don't know who to talk to about my problems. I don't know who share this crazy stories that I have in my head right now. DAMN! How come turns out to be so unlikely. I don't really like how I feel right now and I don't really like the mess that I'm into right now. It's very stressful.

PISSED

2008-06-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

how will you ever say to your mum that your pissed?
i guess you can't say it huh?
their words are just so superior and you got
pissed because sometimes they're right
well, whatever! i just don't like this day.SUCKS!