GOODMORNING; CHANGE OR NO CHANGE

No matter how many times I would say I'll change and try to escape the madness of life, I guess I'm still too weak to do so. There's no changes instead I'm getting worst and getting more mad. There were times that I would like to stop saying CHANGE and just go on with what I have right now.

This morning I just realized that I have to move on with all this CHANGE stuff that won't really happen or maybe will never be happening. Maybe I just have to move on. Maybe.

HELLO NOVEMBER

It has been awhile and I've been writing on and off here. It's just I'm so busy at work doing overtime and all. So far everything's quite BORING lately. Things happen in a random-routine, do I make sense saying that? (LOL) I want to travel again and again and again. I want to be in a cruise for one week or ride a trailer truck over the weekend but I know it's going to be impossible for now. I need to work hard and earn more money. Sometimes I just want to sleep the whole day without thinking anything. Worry-free.Liberty.Liberty.Peace of mind. When will I have those :

Last night, I was staring at the rain and it gave me a feeling of sadness. Sad because it seems like my life isn't evolving. (LOL. This is what you call tear-jerky-whatever) I don't really know how to explain it, maybe sometimes we just can't jut feelings into words. So I smoke and smoke until I felt dizzy and went home.

You know what? I'm quite sleepy right now. I'll die and have a goodnight :]

ONE RAINY THURSDAY

It's nice to be here again. I haven't blog in ages! I was having a rough time lately and not to tell you that I'm goddam broke for how many months starting this year. I have been writing a lot lately but not here obviously. I wrote it in my phone or in my journal book or even in a sheet of paper which I keep after. I wish my phone's with me right now so that I can post some of my words here. I usually wrote it when I poof in our office's comfort room. I got bored while poofing that's why.

Uhm, lately there has been a lot going on with my life. My mum and I were not in good terms, my parent's got bankrupt, our business is dying, I am having this goddam Ulcer (that I wish I don't have) and lastly I'm bored with all this track I wanted to switch with another genre. And I know I just can't... that's the bad thing about life... you just can't make a twist just like in movies.

Today is a cold Thursday and it's my dad's day (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!). I hope his having a good time. You know what, this rainy thing is killing me. It makes me feel dizzy...I'll gonna pass out for now... I'll be writing frequently ...soon.

TULA

...Your manipulating my day dreams
Leaving me staring into thin air.
Your stealing my sanity
Leaving me smiling into the great cloud nine...

THE INSECUREEE-TALE THAT NEVER ENDS

"...because today is gone and tomorrow I'll be okay...I'll wait another day..."

I spent almost whole morning browsing the net and I end up here at blogger. I was reading all my older post... I was like..."yeah I was this and now I'm this...A-HOLE!" I still smile though, realizing that after 10 long months I've change a lot.

Since Jed and I met there was a total twist in my life. Before, I was like the home-buddy who stays at home and getting contented spending the whole day reading books, surfing the net, editing photos and all. Now, I'm like "web surfing is boring! I need to go out!" This is no ME...I KNOW.

I think I was just overwhelmed with the new set of friends that I have now. I really enjoy their company and they're totally cool and funny. I don't know when would this episode change (can't wait for the next season!). I know it's not going to be like this forever. Just like Roxie, she went to Manila with Rommel (his boyfriend) and decided to stay there for good (and I really MISS her : ). So that would mean we wouldn't be able to see her every Saturday and that would also mean that she wouldn't be able to party since she's going to focus on her studies (school sucks!LOL) and hey! she doesn't have any friends there yet so it would really take a long time for her to "go out" the way she did it here.

Just today I was checking all my social networking stuff and so I got bored. I open my multiply and I remember HER (she's the girl that I used to hate) user ID so I search it and explore her site. I click on one of her featured LINKS (friendster) and saw her shout out...I had a feeling that she was referring to me and I was like "HEY WAKE UP!"

I know that hating her wont make me pretty (LOL) so I STOPPED! I always tell myself that I would make friends to her like nothing happen (because she knew that I was jealous of her last November...taking sweet pictures with HIM). A week before last week I was treating her okay... I said "HI" and I was like making friends but she's a snob (or maybe I had wrong impressions). Last Friday we were drinking at THE SPOT (Tita Cleve's place) and she was there. I was suppose to say hi but she went home early (is she avoiding me?...that I couldn't answer)

I really wanted to talk to her and ask her if there's any serious problem between us. I just don't like this awkward feeling and I feel like a big time LOSER kissing her ass. I don't really like it. IT'S JUST NOT SO ME :

I know this have been running for 9 months and I'm not liking it. I couldn't deny that she's cute, she's brainy, she plays herself cool and she's popular but I DON'T CARE (blank face) I DON'T WANT TO CARE BUT I'M SO INSECURE NOT TO CARE. I know that if she would be able to read this she would be flattered but I'm just being TRUE I don't mind at all. I just don't want to DENY this anymore. I always tell myself that this is natural and this really happen once in a blue moon ...but it's bugging me and I don't like it.

I don't know if we can talk this out. I don't have her time and I don't know what to tell her also. So I guess it's better to write it. I need and outlet to burst these things out. Maybe after this I will be BETTER.

PROMISE: I WONT CHECK HER SITE ANYMORE.

I think it's better that way :)

Maybe not knowing the rest of her will be getting the best of ME.

I HAPPEN TO STUMBLE WITH MR.HAPPINESS

...I'm so HAPPPPPPPYYYY yesterday ^______^...

Since I couldn't write anything sensible when I'm happy I'm going to make this post short. HEHE. Anywho, I don't have anything to write for today also... I'm just plain HAPPY :) and I want to share it here.

JOHN DAVID BAGUIO IS ♥

BECAUSE WE WRITE WHAT WE FEEL

I was skimming my old digital photos a while ago. Skimming all the way down from old to new school shots and so I realized everything really changed. I sighed and decided to post a blog. I know I haven't been posting any updates for a long time and shame on me for that.

I could still remember when I posted something about the new LOB that I'll be working with and the new things that were happening with my life. I could still remember how positive I was at that time (thought the little bit of positivity was flowing with the negative rolls of film already) , how I embraced every single detail that's happening around me (that would certainly include the NEW: people, atmosphere, superiors, stuff that words couldn't even label). I was totally drag-out and keep on regretting about the total-slash-sudden change of environment. I was feeling dizzy with the twirls of mood at that time.

In the middle of every single day as I was working with the new LOB I was feeling nothing. It seems like the people were okay and all. Suddenly, one day at a time a devilish mini monsters was trying to crawl inside them. Getting angry with whatever the reason I really don't know (even until now). But I still keep on cheering myself that there's a purpose why GOD put me here. I'm working but full of dismay and regrets with the decisions that I've made. REGRETS was always my companion each day I work.

Today I realized that "woaah I CHANGE!". I was still stuck with a lot of questions that even me myself couldn't figure to fill out the blanks but though I'm still figuring it out ... I never tend to loose the little positivity that brings me to work everyday. I always told myself that no one should bother me...whatever may come along the way ..memo's , suspensions, termination as much as I've learned little things from my mistakes I would still smile and believed that GOD wants me to be a better person. If this is HIS way of shaping me... SO BE IT.

I don't really care how people judge me. JUDGEMENT from someone would always be present in a real world. What really matters most is how you tell them they're totally WRONG. It's your prerogative of how you're going to do it and never do it by putting air in your head (too literal) just do it naturally. I know that INSECURE-tale is never-ending but who knows? It may end for a while...some people just couldn't face the fact that reality bites.

I wasn't thinking of being okay with my BOSS either, there's just no way! I know he always tells me that I've got an attitude but "I'm so sorry Boss so as YOU!" before you advice me to fix myself you better fix yours first. I'm not quitting this game...now that I know the tricks how to play it. WIN all you can but I'm not gonna QUIT. NO WAY!

DRAG-OUT days are gone. I'm totally hyped and happy now :)